I’ve come to realize that even though I like the thought of being home. I’d rather stay at school.
Why? Because being back at home reminds me of awful times, mixed with some good. It reminds me of the year I went through crying my eyes out trying to get over my ex. It also reminds me of everything I did wrong here.
Being away from that at college is my little retreat. I have another life up there, away from my hometown and my high school. a place where there are only happy memories.
Even driving back home, and seeing familiar places in my town brought those memories and feelings back in an instant.
I really am over it.
but seeing that was just a punch in my gut.
Meteor shower tonight.
The first time we hung out was during one. Looking at the stars was our thing. I can’t do it anymore.
Its been exactly a year since you decided to do this.
Yet, I feel like its only been a few months.
I am really glad that we’re cool with each other.
I didn’t think that would happen to us
I never wanted to go there because of him. I wanted to go before I met him.
Out of everything, I hate when people say that to me. “what other reason do you want to go there except that he there?”
life fuck, I’d want to go there even if my sister went there. Him being there makes no difference. I wouldn’t see him, there are 57,000 students there. I think theres a one in a thousand chance I’d walk into him.
So get the fuck out of here. i fucking hate that.
Its been months.
Months since it ended.
Months since i’ve last saw you.
Months since i’ve cried about you.
I wish you were home
I wish you never left
I wish you didn’t have to move
I wish you kept your promise
Why’d you have to say that…
I’m crying and I have no reason to be.
There are so many things that I wish I could ask you, but I know it’s too late for that now.
Late night thoughts?
I’m just really confused, and I dont know what to do at all.
You know, the first time someone told me they loved me, I was dating them for 6 months already. Call me old fashioned, but that phrase is special to me. Hearing someone say that to me, I just want to slap them and tell them no. I know you’re not. You’re mistaking loving me for loving the thought of me. Theres a huge difference there.
Secondly, Im going to college in about a month. Do I want to get into something right now? dating for 9 months, then going to college and deciding to stay together, or not to in my case, is very different than a month then leaving. So is it really worth it? I don’t know.
I dont want to give him a reason to tell me he was right for ending it. He wasn’t, I dont want to do exactly what he did. But because of this, I’m starting to agree with him more and more.
What do I do… its killing me.
I’ll let you know in a week.
I looked at your facebook for the first time in 3 months.
I regret every second of it.
I keep seeing these posts about “if he loves you enough, time and distance shouldn’t matter…”
I honestly believe he loved me, but I loved him enough not to hold him back from his life.
It’s confusing to understand, but I know that he loved me enough to stay if I asked.
I loved him enough to let him pursue his dreams, whether I was a part if it or not.